Screen-addicted youth report loneliness, depression

By Angie Landsverk

Mike McGowan says today’s youth are more connected than ever before.

They follow people on Instagram and Snapchat, he said.

Facebook is used to keep track of their fellow high school graduates.

“When you talk to them, they report loneliness and depression,” McGowan said.

He said middle school students hear more criticism, put downs and sarcasm in the hallways than praise and compliments.

“It’s gotten to the point where there’s so much sarcasm that you can’t give a compliment without someone challenging you,” he said.

McGowan is the president of McGowan and Associates, a training and consultation firm that specializes in school, workplace and family issues.

He talked about isolation and how to increase social connectedness on Sept. 10, at Weyauwega-Fremont High School’s Performing Arts Center.

The Waupaca County Suicide Prevention Coalition and ThedaCare sponsored the program.

The coalition formed in late 2011 and sponsors an annual program.

Jen Lubinski is part of the coalition.

She said there were requests to bring suicide prevention training to Weyauwega.

That took place in the summer.

“Because we’re a county-wide coalition, we wanted to look outside of Waupaca,” Lubinski said.

Having this year’s program in Weyauwega seemed like a good fit, she said.

Last week’s presentation coincided with National Suicide Prevention Week.

“Is Anybody Out There?” was the title.

McGowan speaks in numerous communities each year.

Media past and present

“It is sad that the kids spend more time in front of the screen than sleeping,” he said.

Families used to have one television in the house.

There were three channels on it.

Today, many have five TVs in their homes, McGowan said.

While sharing a bedroom with a sibling was once common, most children have their own bedrooms today, he said.

They used to play outside with others in their neighborhood.

Games were made up of children of various ages, he said.

Now children play sports with those of the same age, McGowan said.

He asked how children pick up the social skills they need when they do not use them or see them modeled.

“How many of you know a kid who almost no one in school says hello to?” McGowan asked.

Friendly greetings

McGowan shared the story of a boy he met while visiting a school.

“Hi. I’m Nathan,” he said to McGowan.

McGowan then said, “Hi. I’m Mike.”

He shared that he was at the school to speak.

As McGowan headed to the school’s office, he heard Nathan say hi to students, addressing all by their first name.

The secretary told McGowan that is what Nathan does. It is his gift.

Nathan was a freshman at the time.

McGowan returned to the school a year later.

Nathan remembered him and asked if he was talking again.

When McGowan told him he was, Nathan told him “to be funny again.”

The secretary told McGowan that Nathan turned the entire district around by himself.

She wondered what the district would do after he graduates.

McGowan told her someone would need to take his place.

Need for social skills

People do not tell others how they are really feeling when asked if they are OK, McGowan said.

He tells people to go back two hours later and again ask how someone is feeling.

Listening is a critical skill, McGowan said.

“Children – people in need – need people to listen to them, to be available and not judge,” he said.

McGowan said he is not suggesting “you go home and put all the devices in the closet or tell the boys they have to share a room.”

Adults need to compensate for the skills children are not getting, he said.

Children need to learn conflict resolution skills and social skills.

While school districts get report cards for reading scores, they do not “measure things like mental health and isolation,” McGowan said.

He asked how many have noticed the social skill level is not what it was.

“We have to help them be employed, help them in their relationships,” McGowan said.

He said all schools are struggling with cellphone policies, often having a different one every year.

Schools that limit when students may use them see the students socializing more and doing better, McGowan said.

He said social interaction needs to be encouraged.

“Be kind to one another,” McGowan said.